


Let Me Go

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Loss, M/M, Reminiscent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 08:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15093089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: Negan has to learn how to experience life without Carl.





	Let Me Go

Michonne cradles her newborn with Rick by her side. Having babies was more common with peace surrounding their communities. They kissed staring at the little miracle between them and Negan smiles thinking maybe he could have a child of his own one day, if only.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Daryl was so angry and repressed, grunting and shoving. He didn’t let new people near him and it was as if his heart was made of stone. Guilt overcame him thinking he made that repressed sad soul but was reassured by everyone even Maggie that yes he did contribute but Daryl was already that way in a lot of ways. It was hard not to not have a feast and invite every community when Daryl finally let Aaron in and they became a couple.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Eugene found a scientist on the road, putting their two odd brains together they worked for four years. No one could follow their conversations or choose which one of the pair were more weird. A lab was found not far from them and over the years more scientists were found and with it a cure.It should have been a time to rejoice.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Carol’s behavior flip flopped, she was a warrior, remorseful, timid, bold, a killer again then Negan’s friend and confidant. She decides to go to California with Ezekiel, be closer to his family that managed to survive. There’s a few planes still functioning and more buses found. Transportation will get easier and he will see her again. She waves him goodbye and somehow he knows this is her final evolution. Content. Ezekiel came back to bring him with her and they will survive together like so many years before.

 

_ Let me go _

 

_ Aaron _ and Daryl find a small house, it’s big enough for them and has a spare room. Negan won't’ ask what's going on with that plan. Daryl’s still not big on PDA but he smiles more, teeth and all and if he allowed it he could see how ravishing the hunter is but he can’t. Ten years from now he will probably still be single and not checking any man or woman out.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Judith walks down the aisle a young bride, her father carrying her like he should. He’s smiling broader than he had in a long while. She’s wearing a long white gown purchased like it should be, her pale complexion and rosy cheeks making her look too innocent to marry. Negan cries like a baby for more than one reason and later threatens her husband, he better take care of her or there will be hell to pay.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Maggie finds a boyfriend, she doesn’t believe in marriage and yeah, he took that from her but she’s grown her hair out long, wears lots of dresses and makeup with clips in her hair. Negan wonders if that is how she looked before all that bad shit because all he could imagine was her working on a farm with button up shirts and boots. She’s all radiance and girly, talking freely of her plans to have a child with Chris. He’s happy for her after all he has taken from her.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Jesus hits on him a few times and it’s funny but it’s sad. He’s short and too pretty for his tastes but it’s flattering to be seen that way. Too many comments to wear that leather jacket or bring a whip with him to the bedroom. In the end Negan bumps into someone at a post office, recognizes him from High School and suddenly realizes Jesus must be into daddies. He sends his old classmate that way. It feels good to help them connect.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Negan screams awake still plagued by the past, he’s done so much evil shit but that doesn’t haunt him. Only one person can do that and getting out of bed he sips on a glass of water, he’s old and haggard, has a gray bushy beard that’s unkept, dull eyes stare back at him with pain and he wants to forget, but there’s no way he can do that.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Bumping into a pale skinned blond with blue eyes and tattoos littering her arms and legs makes Negan freeze. Her dress is too short and she winks at him boldly, her nose ring reflects in the light and he sees too many holes in each of her ears. “Hey.” She whispers conflicting with the image she’s portraying and Negan does an awkward wave that she misses as she runs out the door.

 

_ Let me go _

 

Negan’s in the grocery store when he’s bumped with a grocery cart, it has him stumbling but he pulls on the cart and it keeps him from falling, the girl on the other end who rammed him is too strong for her small frame. Her grip on the shopping cart is all strength and she laughs at him before she apologizes. She’s the woman from the feed store he saw the other day and she introduces herself still sounding too shy. Tracy is her name and Negan smiles. For once he allows himself to imagine a life not being alone.

 

_ Let me go _

 

One date becomes two then ten and her laugh is like his first love, her shyness like his last. His faith died long before the walkers but it’s restored because this woman is bold and reserved, proud and concealed, she’s like putting your feet on the border of two states. She’s everything and yet there's something within her that is distinctly just hers, that sense of humor and chunky legs can only be Tracy and Negan tells her he loves her on a picnic outside a church of all places and he looks to the sun and remembers all that he could never forget but is ready to experience life again.

 

_ Let me go _

 

\------------------------

 

“ _ Carl! Oh no please no!” _

 

_ “It’s okay,” Carl whispers weakly. _

 

_ “How’s it okay darling? You're bit.” _

 

_ “I’m seeing mom again and Shane though he wasn’t right in the head at the end. Beth, Dale, Herschel. I'll be okay, I won't be alone.” _

 

_ Negan holds Carl’s hand, kisses it sweetly not wanting to believe it will be the last time. _

 

_ “It’s not your fault.” _

 

_ Negan laughs into the empty church that he helped burn.  _

 

_ “It’s not!” Carl manages to yell. “Negan I love you, you gave me that. No one else and I get to die knowing how that feels.” _

 

_ Negan starts to sob but Carl grabs his face and kisses him, his pale lips still wet and moist and he breaths against him. “You will be okay, you will be able to move on. Just promise me that you will let me go.” _

 

_ Looking up at the too brave teen he shakes his head, he’s only eighteen but he’s dying and has missed so much in the world, never got to witness the things someone his age should.  _

 

_ “You will be okay if you just let me go.” _

 

_ There’s no way that’s possible. Negan holds him tight, wishes he could hold him for one more night but his breath is wheezing and his grip loosening. “Promise me.” _

 

_ Negan could never promise such a thing because he never broke a promise to Carl so when Rick walks back in he kisses Carl once more then his forehead not sure which he should have saved for last to savor in an eternity without Carl. _

\-----------------------

 

“I thought I would never fall in love either.” Tracy traces her finger over a framed photo of Bennett, her deceased husband then Carl’s. His photo is faded and has crease marks but she managed to make it look almost good as new in a black frame. She lights a candle between the two images as if to honor them.

 

Negan puts an arm around her, rubs her rounding belly covered by a blue dress as light as Carl’s eyes and he smells her hair, blond as Lucille’s. Being in love three times makes him doubt if he’s really ever experienced love but when she smiles and whispers in his ear he knows the goosebumps across his skin are the same as it was with both Lucille and Carl so it must be true.

 

They didn’t plan the pregnancy but he wonders if it’s possible, a child with Carl’s eyes and Lucille’s soul and Tracy's too slender nose and wide toes. The wedding ring burns a hole in his pocket reminding him time isn’t promised to no one even if walkers don’t roam and unlike Lucille he will be faithful and unlike Carl he will marry her. In his life when it comes to the unplanned he realizes the unexpected brings the sweetest things in life.


End file.
